“Who needs it now?”

“At first, there was a shock that lasted about 2 months. During this time, my boyfriend and I managed to buy tickets to another country twice, sell some of the unnecessary things that we definitely won’t take with us, and find a more stable job than my freelance. As a result, we stayed in Moscow, because the airlines were in a mess and there were constant cancellations of flights, and I set myself a clearer goal — not to leave wherever my eyes look, but to look for a country to move for life. Besides, I’ve been dreaming about it for a long time, but I’ve been constantly putting it off. Regarding creativity, I can say for sure — I never thought I would be out of work. It is not my nature to devalue my knowledge and creativity. I have been postponing the creation of a portfolio for 2 years. There was a period in March when I really wanted to unite with artists and create my own circle, where it possible to speaking out, but I was scared. The last thing I would like to do is go to prison, so I often keep silent. I’m sad that I can’t talk about what I think without fear.”

“At first, the hands didn’t rise to do something. I had a project at the beginning of March, it indirectly intersected with the agenda on the topic, but some people put sticks in my wheels — in the end nothing happened, even for my own budget. I have never reflected politics and current topics in my work, except for ecology and consumer society problems. In general, the agenda affected my mood, but it didn’t affect my creativity, despite the fact that there is a certain lull. You need to do what is really in your competence. It also helps me to listen to the history — so I understand that this is not the end. When something is banned, on the contrary, it can give some kind of impetus to development. For example, I listened to about Nicholas I, and all kinds of arts that the tyrant loved didn’t develop, but what he suppressed — on the contrary, were developed. If you really can’t influence the situation, then you don’t need to drive yourself hard, but you need to do what is really in your competence.”

“On February 24, the first thought was — ‘This can’t be…’ I have watched an IG stories of friends from Ukraine, and there were sirens and photos of eyewitnesses. Heat. Cold. Fear. In February, I quit from job to do creative work, and on February 24, everything faded, lost its meaning and relevance. All creative plans collapsed. It seemed that against the background of events, my activities and everything did not matter. The first picture was drawn in a fit of desperation. It was a ragged flower with the inscription ‘Spring’. It received a response. People started writing to me: ‘Zina, draw, it somehow saves.’ After that, I arranged such drawing evenings — sketches to raise the spirit and awareness that we are not the only ones — those who have fallen down and cannot get together. I decided to create, because art really saves. Me and my audience. And it also helps to earn money for a living and help those who need it. I start to fit into charity projects: on 1st of June, I drew a picture for the ‘Game Foundation’, in which help children with motor disorders. And another illustration for the refugee assistance project. No matter how it sounds, I try to adapt and not lose what I love in the new reality. To be useful and inspiring, so that there are forces to create, even in conditions of total collapse.”

“This whole situation, of course, affected creativity, state and thoughts. I have relatives in Ukraine, my grandfather died there at the age of 93. And all this is very frustrating and affects the perception of the world. Murders, weapons, cities in ruins, solving conflicts with bloodshed — there is nothing good in this, especially in the 21st century. Besides, I understand that there is not much I can do to end this. As for creativity, as an income, I have been drowning for the symbolism of nature protection, and I continue. And the paintings are not particularly coming now, they almost do not order. I was approached with a state order about painting on military subjects, propaganda, but I have principles — I do not paint weapons, military actions and everything that is connected with death and brings death. And I refused.”

“One of the important parts of life is establishing a relationship with the devil. Not refusing, not contradicting, not resisting. Without trying to forget about this necessity or cancel it, throw it out of your head or stop it. The mastery of life is to perceive every event as necessary and inseparable from life itself. Of course, the war was a great shock for me, but I was aware of the importance of this shock and did not try to reject it, turn away, displace or suppress it. A strong event is accompanied by heat or a current of direct experiences. Space has shrunk, collapsed, many meanings have dissolved, but the method remains the method. Like-minded people regrouped, but the laws did not stop working: aggression multiplies aggression, fear multiplies fear, violence multiplies violence. For me, solidarity with mine is solidarity with those who want to live no matter what. Not to win, but to live.”

“At first I was shocked, then, of course, I have to rebuild somehow. This applies to both materials and some kind of internal stock. Everything around has become more complicated, so the main restructuring is the transition to the realization that it will be a little harder next. At first it seemed that everything had become unbearable and impossible, but in this feeling I had to hear that it was possible to cope and that everything would be fine. It’s just going to be different. In short, it’s about the fact that restrictions give new opportunities and a more conscious approach, and sometimes more careful and open to people. This was reflected in the works. They have become more filled by themselves because: firstly, I looked into them as much as possible when I did, so as not to be distracted by what is happening outside; secondly, people see a thing that appeared no matter what and its value in their minds becomes greater.”

“When it all started, creatively I was ‘numb’ and plunged into stagnation. There was a feeling of uselessness, that my creativity would not give anything to anyone and to me, that no one needed it now. But in the process of developing the ‘agenda’, I realized that it’s not possible to do nothing. Many friends and people from creative field said: doing nothing, you are engaged in self-destruction. We need to channel the potential into development and share. There is a Tibetan proverb: ‘any trouble can be a good opportunity.’ I experienced a different range of emotions, there was an internal dissonance. But no matter what I experience inside myself, I don’t broadcast it in my work. There are many cool artists who express themselves emotionally through their work, and this is their way, but thanks to my creativity I cope with the crisis moments of life and share what I can.”

“After February 24, all my adjusted working mechanism fell down. It didn’t break right away, it’s just that every day something very important and necessary falls off from this mechanism. We have to look for and replace new ‘parts’ on the go. International transfers are now almost impossible without intermediaries. It turned out that on average, only one out of twenty customers has a crypto wallet. Also, my workflow includes international sending and receiving through mail of various kinds of products (toys, canvases, merch), everything is also very vague and sad here. And all this, of course, is beyond the emotional component. For the first months I had no strength and absolutely no desire to do anything. But without creativity, it only got worse for me, because this is the best way to somehow abstract and distract myself a little from scrolling through the monstrous news. Well, the mortgage. Unfortunately, the bank does not perceive my mental feelings as a valid reason for non-payment.”